The Clumpany

How Celtic Got Away With It

How Celtic Got Away With It

Good Evening. The Clumpany would like to expose the shameful shenanigans which have resulted in Celtic Football Club being able to submit an application to build a new hotel and museum complex alongside Celtic Park. Celtic underhandedly built a sustainable operation over several decades, accumulating money that was outrageously their own, and earning a horrifying […]

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Up To 60 Billion Applicants

Up To 60 Billion Applicants

  **Remarkably, this is the 700th Clumpany blog! Many thanks for your your continuing support**  Good Morning. It seems that there IS life on other worlds after all. The Clumpany deep space observatory was all set for yet another quiet night yesterday, when suddenly it intercepted an incredible number of signals from across the galaxy. […]

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Celtic’s Yurt Hurt

Celtic’s Yurt Hurt

Good Evening. Coming to an entirely imaginary newspaper near you soon… >>>>>> Celtic’s Yurt Hurt As Gers* Unveil In-Tents Growth Plans By A. Premier-Inn Rangers* last night stole a march on their Old Firm rivals Celtic by unveiling plans for a spectacular new accommodation, museum and leisure facility alongside Ibrox. The state-of-the-art complex, which could […]

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Mind Your Own Business!

Mind Your Own Business!

Good Morning. You may be surprised to learn that The Clumpany receives quite a few ‘lively’ comments in response to its outpourings. Particularly (but not exclusively) from Sevco fans who don’t seem to enjoy seeing either of their ‘clubs’ and various assorted holding companies and engine room subsidiaries held up to close examination and the […]

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Put That Blog Down!

Put That Blog Down!

Good Evening. The Clumpany experienced a genuine ‘WTF?!’ moment a short while ago when reading this mercifully short piece in the Daily Record: Morton rubbish rumour started by discredited blogger who no one believes anyway It discusses the rumours which circulated today about Sevco still owing Greenock Morton their share of the proceeds of their […]

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Not Ruling Yourself Out 

Not Ruling Yourself Out 

Good Evening. The Clumpany continues to enjoy the media speculation (and it is just speculation) about who might replace the resignedsackedexited Warbmeister as Sevco manager. It has now reached the stage where some outlets are reporting that various managers were asked about the job, and they said nothing, or stated that they are happy in […]

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To The Moon, With Derek Johnstone 

To The Moon, With Derek Johnstone 

Good Evening. The Clumpany has been passed a copy of a completely fictitious Derek Johnstone column, which won’t be appearing in a newspaper anytime soon. >>>>>> Rangers’* Off-World Ambitions Are Good News For Rangers* Rangers* are going to have some training sessions on the Moon. I think it will be good for Rangers*. It may […]

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Magic Corn Flakes

Magic Corn Flakes

Good Evening. Once again The Clumpany has to bow before the might of the Evening Shark-Jump. No matter how bleak things might be, it can ALWAYS find a positive Sevco story, even from the most unlikely of source material. This time it was the turn of goalkeeper Jak Alnwick, who recently joined Sevco following the […]

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A Cheap Manager For Sevco?

A Cheap Manager For Sevco?

Good Evening. Fair play to the Sevco PR machine. The papers and airwaves are certainly full of bluster about who might replace The Warbmeister as manager at Ibrox and about whether they should be overseen by that most old-fashioned of ‘modern’ football innovations, a Director of Football. Meanwhile, the circumstances in which Warbo, Weir and […]

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A Relic From 2012

A Relic From 2012

Good Evening. The Clumpany has come into possession of a very exciting object which played an integral part in one of the most dramatic incidents in the history of Scottish football. Five years ago today, Rangers Football Club went into administration, and one thing more than any other played a crucial role in the events […]

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“I Agree With Dave King’s Strategy”

“I Agree With Dave King’s Strategy”

Good Evening. The Clumpany recently tuned in to a radio phone-in and panel discussion about developments at Sevco (there aren’t any other sort of phone-ins or panel discussions at the moment). The assembled pundits were in a high state of excitement about the departures of The Warbmeister, Frank McParland, and the famously-besmirched David Weir, as well as the […]

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A Confusing Week

A Confusing Week

Good Evening. Earlier today, The Clumpany was feeling a little bit baffled. I was trying to remember what I had done over the past week, but I couldn’t quite get the chronology right.  I like to keep my diary up-to-date, so that I will be able to marvel at my exciting ethereal activities when I look back […]

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The Sevco Appreciation Blog

The Sevco Appreciation Blog

Good Evening. The Clumpany would like to take a short break from parody and surrealism and simply say thank you to Sevco for  continuing to provide such sustained, high-quality entertainment on such an epic scale. The demise of Rangers was truly spectacular and (unlike Rangers themselves) will never get old. It was asking a lot […]

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Top Tips For Exposing ‘Dodgy Land Deals’

Top Tips For Exposing ‘Dodgy Land Deals’

Good Evening. The Clumpany is not normally one for offering advice, but today I will make an exception, because I see the ‘Celtic dodgy land deals’ allegations are doing the rounds once again. To be fair, our concerned friends only want to protect the public purse and are definitely NOT in the business of throwing […]

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Watt Were They Thinking?

Watt Were They Thinking?

Good Afternoon. The Clumpany almost felt sorry for the SFA yesterday. No, really. Because Tony Watt’s comments on Scottish football while he was promoting the Scottish Cup were – in places – cringeworthy.  Although he was full of praise for Hearts – for whom he recently played – comments such as those below are not […]

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Warbo’s Random Shite

Warbo’s Random Shite

Good Evening. The Clumpany absolutely loved The Warbmeister’s latest round of wibblery when speaking to Sevco TV. It was was all about how the random nature of football has gone against Sevco. And it is not the first time he has used the ‘random’ excuse following a poor result: Sevco 1-3 Random Luck Mere mortals […]

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Sevco Fans Rage At A New Green Look

Sevco Fans Rage At A New Green Look

Good Evening. You may have spotted stories in the press about Sevco fans being upset. Again. This time it is because Barrie McKay – fresh from his £6m non-move to Germany – has apparently been wearing green boots; and Wes Foderingham – who recently celebrated notching up zero England caps – has been sporting green gloves. Clumpany […]

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About Celtic’s Interim Results…

About Celtic’s Interim Results…

Good Evening. As you are no doubt aware, Celtic today published their interim results for the six months to 31 December 2016. They are excellent: Financial Highlights • Revenue increased by 94.7% to £61.2m (2015: £31.4m). • Profit from trading was £21.4m (2015: £1.6m). • Profit from transfer of player registrations (shown as profit on […]

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Dear Diary…

Dear Diary…

Good Evening. Here is a draft of a diary column which won’t be appearing in the sports section of a Scottish newspaper anytime soon… >>>>>> Sport Diary: People on the internet are morons NEWSPAPERS give a voice to those who find it impossible to restrain themselves from howling at the moon in public. Mainstream media in Scotland is anything but […]

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Warbo Might Be Awful, But…

Warbo Might Be Awful, But…

Good Evening. The Clumpany is finding it hard not to be thoroughly entertained by Sevco’s recent results, and especially the mainstream media’s reaction. The 4-1 pumping by Hearts seemed to be a tipping point for parts of the Scottish MSM. Whether they were influenced by a PR influence when reaching that conclusion is for you […]

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