dontdrinkbeer

Sneak peek: beachwood vanilla system of a stout. Good lort.

Sneak peek: beachwood vanilla system of a stout. Good lort.

Sneak peek at Vanilla System of a stout and there is a zero percent chance I am not locking this down, beans already oily and my cardamom pod is tumescent. I was leery of some ham fisted yankee candle execution and then I LOLed because beachwood consistently Errs in favor of subtlety. The coffee roast […]

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Blackberry Fruit Stand, three crown, pink molly I can barley move

Blackberry Fruit Stand, three crown, pink molly I can barley move

I know I am guilty of rubbing my saison clit raw with that Casey rabbit but honestly they are unmatched in the fruited awa game. Pillowy soft body, tannic creamy acidity, flintstones vitamins and sherbert, a radiant coke drag of minerality and farmers markets. It’s like the pit crew for an f1 race that is […]

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Weyerbacher Sunday Mole Stout, spicy Shasta offbrand adjunct deals

Weyerbacher Sunday Mole Stout, spicy Shasta offbrand adjunct deals

If Oddside Brewing makes the Shasta whales for the common man to enjoy, then Weyerbacher falls somewhere in the “bulk offbrand bag cereal” realm in the scope of hot deals. They aren’t quiiiite on par with the famous big ticket items that they are emulating but, for most people it will be close enough that […]

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Elk Valley Whiskey Barrel Mexican nemesis

Elk Valley Whiskey Barrel Mexican nemesis

Listen if barrel aged strong ales is all that sell Valley shines at then great, I am more than happy to sing their praises because they consistently slay with these oddly unclassifiable offerings. It’s like if you took Kuhnhenn, thawed them out, gave them a malty Oklahoma belt buckle and showed em how to rope […]

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Offshoot Beer co Fashionably late is a ranch dressing 42 car pileup

Offshoot Beer co Fashionably late is a ranch dressing 42 car pileup

Man the Bruery has many facets but this shit was brutal. It’s easy in beer criticism presented for comedic intents to reach for some hyperbolic level to pull. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that this tastes like ranch dressing. Hidden Valley tones off the charts. I am talking chive, shallot, touch of […]

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Jester King Grim Harvest is magnificently incomparable detritus 

Jester King Grim Harvest is magnificently incomparable detritus 

I enjoy Grim Harvest more than Nocturne Chrysalis, more than Sherry Atrial, and it’s perhaps one of the most focused and purely enjoyably simple offerings from those hill country boys. I patently shouldn’t have a spontanboner over a stainless fermented beer made with actual garbage but here we are. It is magnificently carved and maintains […]

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Deep Ellum Darkest Hour is pure nightmare fuel for your palate

Deep Ellum Darkest Hour is pure nightmare fuel for your palate

Darkest Hour is pure nightmare fuel for your palate. I get it, every brewery is de facto required to not only have a stout, but a bourbon barrel aged stout at that. Not everyone is gonna hit the industry benchmarks that are becoming increasingly demanding in this segment. That being said this would have been […]

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Commonwealth Hippolyta, Violet nail polish with real blackberries and dates 

Commonwealth Hippolyta, Violet nail polish with real blackberries and dates 

Commonwealth has some solid offerings but this completely missed the mark with me. Whenever a brewery serves up an “oud bruin” my bullshit alarms instantly go off since that is often the stylistic default when something goes wrong with fermentation. Very few breweries actively set out to make that style I am convinced. Unintentional infection […]

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J Wakefield Brewing Aye Que Rico, no lo creo, hay mucho aditivos 

J Wakefield Brewing Aye Que Rico, no lo creo, hay mucho aditivos 

This was an odd surprise for me, the structure of the beer didn’t have that irritating terroir cloying shit up with sharpies and black and mild waft. It lent an odd rauchy backdrop for the relatively thinner body to express itself. The dulche de leche functioned more akin to light lactose sweetness and the coffee […]

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